Have you ever liked someone, but didn’t really know why,  just that a part of them was reaching out to you, and the part in you that needed to feel needed, was eager to help.

In time, that part of you, the eager helper, fell in love with the vulnerable part in him that was reaching out.

Was it your Inner Parent wanting to protect his Inner Child?

How does a relationship like this even lift off? 

What happens when the vulnerable part in him, his Inner Child heals? 

Does this mean the relationship was doomed from the start?

A part of you wanted to stay impersonal for fear of being rejected, (your Inner Child) therefore you would be less connected as you would be protecting your vulnerable self by keeping your distance.

Another part of you wanted to be personal because you liked him, although you didn’t know how he actually felt, you wanted more of a connection, but you feared you would be less protected, in other words – vulnerable, open, exposed.

What about switching between one and the other.  You can be personal one minute, but if you don’t get the response you expect, you may switch to impersonal, where your vulnerability is protected. Pretty crazy type of relationship, that may never even get off the ground, due to the vulnerabilities of both.

Imagine a man not wanting to be smothered, and a woman not wanting to be rejected.  How could these two even get together with such opposing fears?

The woman tries to make contact on numerous occasions, sometimes leaving a great deal of distance between the contacts.  The man may perceive this as smothering, so he does not reply, she then perceives this as rejection.

What is the solution?

You may say, forget him – there are plenty of fish in the sea, so you go fishing. Unfortunately, every time you catch a fish, your focus is on him, not the fish you caught, so the fish swims off, and you’re back to square one.

I have no answers for this one, but if anyone is willing to add their 2cents worth in, I would be more than happy to listen.

This is just one of many scenarios of how inner selves can create havoc in relationships.  There is a vulnerable Inner Child in each of us, although a vulnerable child has no business controlling an adult body and mind.  This is where Voice Dialogue can be very helpful in sorting this type of situation out.

Women Are Cyclical Creatures       

Make Menopause An Adventure …… 

 Menopause brings freedom from the emotional ups and downs that accompany the moon cycles of menstruation.  Women have the freedom to feel radiantly well, with a zest for life, and completely ignore the menopausal horror stories from the past.  The second big initiation arrives, and the third and most exciting stage of life begins.

Nobody prepares you for menopause – nor does anybody explain waking at night and feeling sad or fearful for no apparent reason.  Seldom is the intensity of emotion expected, that comes at the end of the second phase of your life.  

As Women, we depend on multiple interactions of hormones in our bodies, as they exert a profound influence on a woman’s health and emotions.  So complicated are the interactions between hormones and the human body, that it is still not completely understood by science.

 A female endocrine system is an interface between body and spirit.  The way women think, feel, all our hopes and dreams, are all echoed in surges of hormones and their shifting patterns, not only from day to day, but from moment to moment.

‘They affect our view of reality’ – this is why an imbalance can create such emotional and spiritual agony.

Why is it then, that Men, and Women themselves think they should always be the same – perfect, calm, rational, reliable, reasonable, loving, caring, stable. A very unrealistic view.

 It’s not in your 40’s and 50’s  that you are likely to be faced with symptoms that  cause you grief.  It’s how you lived your life in your reproductive years that will be surfacing now, the way  you treated yourself, your diet, exercise, decisions  you made about medications – this is what sets the stage for a trouble free  transition through menopause.

A Full Moon is beautiful, yet it does not stay that way, it’s cyclical, just like a woman.

Thinking is what we all do on a daily basis. Have you ever stopped to ‘think’ maybe we are puppets, and someone else is putting all these thoughts in our head?
Everything we participate in, and I mean everything, right down to the brand of anything we choose to buy, is a thought process. We do it automatically, and think that it is our decision – what if it isn’t. What if we are actually being told on a subtle level to do, say, have, not have, give, not give, etc. by someone else. Makes your mind boggle doesn’t it?

Every time we think of something, it manifests itself into our daily routine. All occurrences and experience are a result of our thoughts. Do we think on purpose, or are our thoughts a jumble of randomness with no direction?

“THOUGHTS” – subtle guidance …..

Are our thoughts positive? or negative? Are our thought processes more scrambled when we are troubled, sad, angry, frightened, guilty?

Understand just how important our thinking really is. If we are dissatisfied with our life, the first step would be to examine our thoughts. It is our thoughts that have brought us to where we are now, and if we are not happy with now, all we need do is change our thoughts. We need to become aware of our thoughts, and take them off automatic.

Stop the automatic thinking and … Start thinking on purpose.

We need to carefully examine what we think about, and more importantly how we think.

Our Thoughts create our Words.

Our Words create our Actions.

Our Actions create our Reality.

Thoughts are the most powerful tool in the universe and they are right there in our head.

Just imagine …. we have the power to change our reality with our thoughts.

…I am thinking … my power animal ….

Inner Self Awareness

There needs to be an energetic balance in your life.  Just like day and night, hot and cold, sunny and cloudy, wet and dry, light and dark.  Believe it or not, we need both positive and negative aspects in our life, and within ourselves.  Let’s say you’re a good girl, a very good girl, and have disowned your bad girl side, what will tend to happen is that you will attract that bad girl in other people, males, females, pets, electrical equipment, car, house. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?  Yet, it’s true.

Have you ever had your disowned selves, turn up in animals?

Your pets maybe …..

How would you know?

How would this look?

Imagine trying to control a cat.  I’m sure many of you know that a cat has a mind of it’s own, and usually does the opposite to what you want it to do, and the more you force your views on the cat, the more stubborn it will become.

I have had cats in my life, although they did not actually belong to me, I was still the one feeding them and watching them multiply, wishing the owners would take responsibility for them.  Even though I complained at how much they were costing me to feed, secretly I loved having them around, especially the new batches of kittens.

I realised pretty soon that I was attracting the cats for my growth and learning.  As my life changed and twisted and spun out of control, the volume of cats would increase.  As my life began to show structure and calm, the cats would decrease, and that would yo yo up and down.  I could get them down to about 3 from the maximum of about 17, but I could never get them to 1 or 0.

There were times I would skimp on things for myself, but I always managed to feed the cats.  It’s like they had some kind of power over me.  I attributed greater importance to them than I did to myself.  It’s as if the cats cast a spell over me, and I was under their control, I valued them more than I valued myself.

Can you imagine one of your disowned selves turning up as a car?

Yes I said car.

Imagine a man who only buys old, cheap cars that constantly break down. He spends most of his time attending to this car, rather than his wife and children.  It is always breaking down, and he is always fixing it.  When he finally decides to get rid of it and buy another car, guess what?  You guessed it, he buys another old car that has similar problems, so that his focus is constantly on the car, rather than himself or his family.

Or! Imagine turning up as an old house.

Renovators dream, or, sane persons nightmare.

If a man doesn’t value himself or his family, this is exactly what he may do, and spend the next 20 years fixing it, renovating it, (sort of) but never completing it, just valuing it more than anything else, and maybe even losing, what he should have valued instead.  To make matters worse, imagine him living out his days sleeping in his car, the object of all that focus, time and attention.

Always remember that energies can only be balanced, they can never be eradicated, because we need both the positive and the negative of everything.  Once you become aware, you can turn one up and the other down, just remember to respect both.

Once upon a time

Imagine a beautiful young swan out in the pristine blue lake, keeping herself busy doing what swans do.  The sun shining, the water so still, resembling a sheet of delicate glass. 

Day after day the beautiful swan would swoon onto the lake ever so gracefully and put in a full day, then fly off home again to be with her family, only to return the next day, and the next, and the next. She was very responsible and hard working.

Then one day something changed.  A very very large male swan from a distant land, flew in to visit his sister swan, who was a friend of our beautiful swan, and when their eyes met, they fell into what some of us may call Love.  In a very short time, everyone noticed that even though our beautiful swan still put in the hours, she wasn’t in the same part of the lake anymore.  She was upgraded to a little embankment, where she was training new swans.  You see – she was sitting on one very precious egg.  She was very very happy, because you see, she was going to be a mother, and have a happy little family of her own.

It wasn’t long before the very very large male swan didn’t come around anymore.  He had his fun and decided to find another swan to entertain him.  You see ….. when he was a signet, his father did the same thing, left him and his mother to be with another swan. I guess the memory of that painful disintegration was locked in his cells, and he too deserted his little one, unfortunately, before it had even hatched.

Our beautiful swan held her head high, and did what she knew in her heart she was meant to do. She moved out of her family nest into a very small nest of her own, because she thought if she were on her own, her signets father would definitely want to be part of their lives.  She bent over backwards, inviting him over, encouraging him to be a better father than his own father was.  To no avail – he wasn’t interested.  He liked his freedom too much, didn’t want to be tied down.  Preferred to be free and have fun instead.  You see, he wasn’t much for responsibility. BIG mistake, big, huge.

Finally the big day arrived. It was time for the little signet to come into the world.  The little signet finally hatched, and she was beautiful, with eyes so big, you could swim in them.  

Our beautiful swan even encouraged her little signets father to be there at the moment she came into this world.  Hoping that once he saw her, how beautiful she was, that he would stay, that he would want to be part of a secure, warm family, something he missed out on. The beautiful swan welcomed him time and time again, and encouraged him to be part of their family.  The tears in her eyes were heartbreaking, as she tried to keep her little family together.  She was determined to rescue her signets father from his pain.  Unfortunately, this wasn’t to be.  He just wasn’t interested enough to stay around.

The beautiful swan raised her little signet all alone, without the support of the swan she was still so very much  in love with. Yes, he would come and visit their little signet, but I guess he just didn’t love her enough to be a permanent part of her life. He didn’t love her enough to give her the security he was deprived of.  He deprived her of a full time father, just as he was deprived of a full time father himself.  He flitted from one swan to another and another never settling down. Wanting his cake and eating it too.

The little signet was immersed in a cloud of love.  She received more love from her mother, than she could possibly imagine. All her family flocked to her side constantly.  She was bathed in love and attention. She grew into a beautiful little swan.  Her mother was very very proud of her, as were all the other swans in her family.  A little chatterbox, wise as wise could be.  She could hold a conversation with all the older swans. She was a very special little swan.

Our Inner Child holds the key to intimacy in relationships, physical and emotional well-being, and the creativity and wisdom of our inner selves. 

The Inner Child lives within all of us, and hidden under our grown-up personas. It’s the part of us that feels emotions, is playful, intuitive, and creative. 

We are all born with a set of unconscious patterns of behavior that psychologists call archetypes. 
Carl Jung is the psychologist who has most influenced the modern understanding of an ancient concept. 

If your life’s experiences are not playing out in the way you would like, and you are leading a relatively stagnant life – looking outside for causes is pointless. Go within. Choose growth over stagnation. 

Olga – 0438 503 011

Remember the days when Men were Men, & Women were Women?

Are you searching to gain something mysterious you have lost?  

Are you irresistibly attracted to people who possess traits you don’t like?  

Are you a tomato, a cucumber, or both?

Is there a strong Inner Matriarch or Inner Patriarch at play here?

strong firm cucumbers

Remember the days when men were men and women were women?  Everyone had their designated role, and life ran smoothly, they complemented each other – so to speak, until one or the other decided one day, that what their job description was, just wasn’t enough anymore.  They weren’t happy anymore with their specialised, unique positions.

juicy red ripe tomatoes

Imagine now two plants growing side by side in the garden, a tomato plant and a cucumber plant. 

One sunny morning ms. tomato plant says to the mr. cucumber plant “It’s not enough for me anymore to just produce tomatoes, I would like to produce some cucumbers as well.” 

Cucumbers’ response – “What? I have been producing cucumbers all my life, my parents and grandparents and great grandparents produced only cucumbers, now you, who has only produced tomatoes think you can do a better job at producing cucumbers than I, the cucumber expert?”

tomato - “to be fair then, you can produce some tomatoes”

cucumber – “but I like what I do, I don’t want to do your job”

tomato – “well if I’m going to take on some of your responsibilities, then you should take on some of mine also”

cucumber - “does this mean that you won’t need me anymore, now that you will be producing both tomatoes and cucumbers?”

God created man and woman with different bodies, different thought processes to complement each other.  If we were meant to be alone, and do everything ourselves, he would have created us with both male and female characteristics.  Wouldn’t he now.

lost identity

Has anyone noticed that since the job description of man and woman was put into a big wheelbarrow and turned and mixed, that we have forgotten what we were put on this earth to do.  Were there this many relationship breakdowns in our grandparents and great grandparents time?  I think not.  They knew that tomato plants produced tomatoes, and cucumber plants produced only cucumbers.  Their future generations unfortunately, thought they knew better, and look at the results.

If you read ‘Tiger & Tigress’ you will notice how strong the Inner Patriarch is at times, and ‘Tomato & Cucumber’ is a reflection of the Belief System of the Inner Patriarch.

Inner Patriarch

Did you know that each of us has an Inner Tiger and Inner Tigress within? Carl Jung calls these Archetypes ‘Inner Patriarch’ and ‘Inner Matriarch’.

Hal and Sidra Stone write in depth about the Patriarch and Matriarch in their book “The Shadow King”.  These two archetypes, among others, can cause havoc  in relationships, especially for women.  This inner voice unconsciously influences Women’s sexuality, their power, emotions, and their role within relationships. 

Have any of you ever felt the way I did, when I realised that there was an anxious father inside me, the Inner Parent, that constantly worried about me, the Inner Child.  He didn’t want me to fall flat on my face or be rejected, get hurt, or abandoned.  He is this old-fashioned guy who thinks that I and all women need to be taken care of by a wealthy husband and kept safely wrapped in cottonwool.  These are words my late father used to say to me all the time, and when I heard it coming from within me, I thought it was just me regurgitating his words.   This was until I studied ‘Voice Dialogue’ and realised that wasn’t the case.  This person – father figure is actually part of me.  He is controlling my life.  Only when the penny dropped and I realised what was happening that I was able to change what was going on around and within me. 

A strong inner patriarch, or Inner Parent in a woman can make her ashamed and defensive in relationships.  I felt this way constantly.  I was always defending myself and justifying what I did or didn’t do.  I was a doormat with a big self print ‘wipe your feet here’.

If an animal is kept locked up in a cage for many years, it will become wild.  If the door is opened inadvertently, the animal comes out RAGING.  Her rage in her life, was a result – of living a life of PLEASING OTHERS.  A life where her needs came LAST.

Inner Matriarch

As my aware ego awakens, and I separate from my primary selves,  I literally become aware of the fact, that it is they, not I, who have been living my life.  Come and share my journey with me and discover a new key to an old block that thousands of years of Patriarchy has instilled deep within each of us.

Primary selves are those that develop to protect us in the world.  They are the building blocks of our personality.  They make us who we are in the now.

Join me next time, as we discover more inner selves, and if you would like to talk to me about your inner selves just call 0438 503011

olya

Get off the merry-go-round

Navigating Midlife

Join me on this profound psychological and spiritual journey / merry-go-round, that occurs at midlife, remembering also, that our psyche is pre-programmed to encourage us to make changes at certain ages in our life.

This is our blueprint of life, and we are always moving into and out of different stages throughout our entire lives. If this wasn’t to be – we would still be crawling aimlessly around our mothers feet.  The Inner Child, Inner Matriarch and Inner Patriarch are also very much involved and a strong part of our individuality.

Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jungs’ concept of psychological growth is a process within our psyche, encouraging us to become more uniquely individual. This process begins at midlife and continues over our entire life span, for us to acquire a fuller, clearer, unique identity.

Psyche – Greek word for soul, with its three layers – conscious, personal unconscious and collective unconscious.

• The conscious, is who or what we think we are, and contains all the psychological parts that we can control and direct willingly, like the tip of the iceberg that is seen floating above the water.
• The personal unconscious – all our unwanted desires, impulses, forbidden feelings and beliefs that we have repressed or forgotten, where all our hidden positive, creative qualities and abilities lie, just below the surface.
• Our collective unconscious is shared throughout the universe, where our archetypes lie. These deep, abiding patterns of being, perceiving, responding and behaving, remain powerful and present in all of us, although activation is required for us to become aware or them, and once activated, we recognise that we have experienced them already, yet not been aware what it was we were experiencing.

Persona – Latin word for mask.

Until puberty most of us are governed by instinct, our unconscious. Around about 14 our conscious begins to develop, by developing a strong ego and persona, until midlife, when we transform.

Jungian psychology believed that it is critical that we develop a strong ego in the first half of our lives, if we are to navigate through midlife with a smooth transition, if there is such a thing.
Our psychological health is defined as ‘balance’ between all of the opposite attitudes, desires, and ways of being, that are part of us. We find a way to integrate these opposites as we become aware of them within us.

Somewhere in our 40’s there is a shift in our psyche, as our ego loses energy, and what was buried deep, starts bubbling to the surface – we pretty much turn inside out. This is what’s called a midlife crisis, and we begin to question all the values, attitudes and assumptions that have given us meaning and certainty in the first half of our life. Our world, as we know it, seems to be crumbling around us, and we are at a loss as to what to do about it. Familiarity is now turning against us, and the opposite of what we once were is surfacing.

Jung was the first psychologist to recognise that a resurgence of individuation occurs in the middle years and continues through the rest of life. This midlife transition is a bridging time between the first half of our lives where we create a life based on what others deem suitable, proper for us, appearances for the outside world, what others expect of us, to what is important to us now.

“I made my decision to ‘jump ship’ (leave home) 3 weeks before my 48th birthday, after years of lovelessness in an empty marriage. My mother on the other hand made her decision to ‘jump ship’ (leave life) 3 weeks before her 58th birthday.”

How many others out there are struggling, denying that there is even a need for this transition. As I watch my grandson, (who will be one in a week) crawling, pulling himself onto furniture, climbing, precariously stepping from one piece of furniture to another, sometimes letting go for a moment, with a tiny startled look in his eyes and a little stiffness in his body as he is aware of an unsupported stance, and quickly grabs hold of something for stability, security. How many of us do the same thing?
Life is going to happen to us one way or another. Is he going to walk on his own, run even? Of course – just like we are going to emerge through this veil, and step into paradise.

This transition through midlife is different for everyone, as some may walk a relatively smooth path, from the first half of their life through midlife to the second half of their life. Others, may be mimicking tarzan, as they attempt to swing from the cliff to one tree then another, only to have the vines break, and they come tumbling down to the ground. Many will crawl back to the cliff, stay there a while and try again, this time succeeding, many will just stay there for fear of the unknown, only to have a big bird swoop down on you, knocking you off balance, and tumbling off the cliff, leaving life.

Take a risk – live – know that it is okay.  Wherever you are at any given time is where you are meant to be. Take the time for yourself, alone time for self-reflection.  Focus on what it is you do want, forget what you don’t want.

Love the parts of you that are out of character.  Step off that cliff, and know that you will fly.

Look in the mirror, smile, and love the person looking back at you. 

Olya

Did You Know That We Are Like Apples And Wine?

                

Apples and Wine…. ah, now there’s a thought ……

Have you heard, that Women are like juicy, sweet yet firm apples on apple trees? 

The best and sweetest ones are at the very top of the tree, drinking in the rays of the sun and morning dew.

 

Most men, just aren’t prepared to reach for the best, for fear of falling.  

History has shown them that there is also a risk of getting hurt.

Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground, the ones that were tired of hanging around and decided to risk a bruise or two, just to be chosen.

Then there are the men who will pick the easy apples on the lowest branches, only to find them a little ordinary, because anyone can reach those. Free for the picking.

Some men may even stretch themselves and reach a little higher for a better quality. They may even find that although these apples were a little more difficult to reach, they are still quite average, easier, yet not as good as the ones at the very top.

The apples at the very top think something is very wrong with them, because they have not been chosen. They feel excluded,rejected, when in reality, they’re amazing. 

They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the amazing one, who believes he is good enough, and is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree to reach the best.

  

Now Men on the other hand…. Men are like a fine wine.

They begin as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have with dinner.  

………. or the other version …………..

They begin as grapes, and may not even realize how good they really are, because some of them may have been stomped on by women who were not aware that premium wine comes, when the weight of the grapes alone squeezes gently, until the grapes release their juice, then, there comes careful maturation, as ageing brings the final polish.  Everybody knows that it takes years for a good quality, smooth on the palate wine.  

The longer the wine is aged, the higher quality it becomes.

However, after decades, quality wine, if not stored right, can deteriorate.

 

Vines are a hardy perennial and bloom in the second year of growth. There is a need to tend to them patiently, train the vines to grow only where you want them to.

Very important to confine grapes, as once established, grapevines like to ramble and can soon dominate. Just the right pruning, not too heavy, not too light.  

Balance is the key here.  

And remember – Grapes change colour long before they are ripe.  Since they will not improve after harvest, the way to avoid ’sour grapes’ is to taste first, if not ripe, wait for them to develop.

till next time – enjoy

olya

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panda Bear Relationship

“PANDA BEAR RELATIONSHIPS”

Hello again – My grandson is now 12 weeks old – still a little while before the girls start batting their long eyelashes at him, although his 4 year old cousin is already doing it, and so is his 19 year old auntie.  Their Inner Child connecting with his.

“Once Upon A Time”………………… There was a Panda Bear who was in search of a mate ……….. and they lived happily ever after……… or did they?

Did you know?

When a Female Panda Bear is ready to mate, she sends her energy, thoughts, desires, passion out into the Universe.
She doesn’t just want a mate – she wants the best mate. ‘BEST’

The Strongest.
Most Caring.
Best Provider.
Most Attentive.
Affectionate.
Patient.
Good Listener.

Someone who will never desert her, who will stay with her through thick and thin. Be there with her from beginning to end.
Will be sensitive/loving throughout her emotional challenges, be they PMS, ‘hormonal pregnancy’ sensitive times, ‘not enough sleep – baby feeding times’, ups and downs of menopause, or anything else that may reveal itself throughout the relationship.

The Male Panda Bears pick up her messages, and head in her direction.
The first of many arrives and approaches her, yet to his amazement, she hisses, and spits, and scratches, and bites.
He is totally blown away – shakes his head and walks away. Total Confusion. “Women” – he mutters under his breath.
She brushes herself off, and continues to munch on her organic bamboo shoots. With A Knowing, That The Right One Will Come.

Not long after the first Panda Bear wandered off in total amazement, another was approaching through the thick bamboo growth.
He was much bigger than the first, with Big Eyes, BIG – HUGE.
He could see a clearing through the thick growth, and then he saw her, sitting to one side of the clearing, totally absorbed by what she was doing, and paying no attention to the crackling noises coming from afar.
As he approached, he was bedazzled by her beauty, she glanced up for just a moment and his big sensitive eyes looked straight through her. For a moment – she was frozen. He took that as a sign, and stepped closer, when all of a sudden, she jumped to her feet and growled at him, he not knowing what to do stepped back, then approached her again, she took a swipe at him, and he went running! running … running … running. Running Very Fast. WOW! Women – they give you the come on then they turn on you.

One suitor after another and another and another, came and left.
There was the Panda Bear who had the Sweetest Voice, and would serenade her.
Then there was Dancing Feet – who would spin her ’round the clearing.
Big Ears – who would listen to all her problems.
Strong Arms – who would hold her when she needed to be held.
She hissed, and scratched, and bit, and growled at all of them, and they all left, never to return. Licking their wounds and feeling hard done by this Crazy Female Panda Bear.
She was calm and composed, because SHE KNEW that when the right one came along, ‘She Would Know’, and ‘He Would Stay’.

Then One Day – out of the blue, the ground shook, twigs snapped, there was music in the air. As she stood up to see what all the commotion was about – He stepped through the thick growth into the clearing.
Their eyes met, and ‘She Knew’, as he stepped closer to her. Then, all of a sudden she lunged at him, hissed, and scratched, and bit, and growled. He didn’t run.
‘He Stayed’ - and they lived happily ever after. She knew that with all his strength, they would have the strongest, best baby panda bears, because they would have all the qualities of all the other Panda Bears, in one neat package.

Men – Did You Know, That Women Are Panda Bears? All They Want Is To Be Loved Always.  Is there a strong Inner Matriarch at play here?

THE END
Olga Szewczuk