Olga Szewczuk

Man & Woman – Inner Patriarch vs Inner Matriarch vs Inner Child vs Inner Parent

 

Have you ever liked someone, but didn’t really know why,  just that a part of them was reaching out to you, and the part in you that needed to feel needed, was eager to help.

In time, that part of you, the eager helper, fell in love with the vulnerable part in him that was reaching out.

Was it your Inner Parent wanting to protect his Inner Child?

 

How does a relationship like this even lift off? 

What happens when the vulnerable part in him, his Inner Child heals? 

Does this mean the relationship was doomed from the start?

 

A part of you wanted to stay impersonal for fear of being rejected, (your Inner Child) therefore you would be less connected as you would be protecting your vulnerable self by keeping your distance.

Another part of you wanted to be personal because you liked him, although you didn’t know how he actually felt, you wanted more of a connection, but you feared you would be less protected, in other words – vulnerable, open, exposed.

What about switching between one and the other.  You can be personal one minute, but if you don’t get the response you expect, you may switch to impersonal, where your vulnerability is protected. Pretty crazy type of relationship, that may never even get off the ground, due to the vulnerabilities of both.

 

Imagine a man not wanting to be smothered, and a woman not wanting to be rejected.  How could these two even get together with such opposing fears?

 

The woman tries to make contact on numerous occasions, sometimes leaving a great deal of distance between the contacts.  The man may perceive this as smothering, so he does not reply, she then perceives this as rejection.

 

What is the solution?

 

You may say, forget him – there are plenty of fish in the sea, so you go fishing. Unfortunately, every time you catch a fish, your focus is on him, not the fish you caught, so the fish swims off, and you’re back to square one.

I have no answers for this one, but if anyone is willing to add their 2cents worth in, I would be more than happy to listen.

 

This is just one of many scenarios of how inner selves can create havoc in relationships.  There is a vulnerable Inner Child in each of us, although a vulnerable child has no business controlling an adult body and mind.  This is where Voice Dialogue can be very helpful in sorting this type of situation out.

Tags: Dr. John K. Pollard, inner child, inner matriarch, Inner Parent, inner patriarch, Relationships, Switching

Voice Dialogue – A Creative Force

The enemy is no longer “out there” but lies deep within each of us – heal your inner parent first.

  

When The Words Say ‘Give Up’ – Hope Whispers ‘Try It One More Time’  :)  :)

Our basic assumptions are developed from childhood, family, teachers, books and so on.  We hold them so deeply, that we become identified with them, and when these assumptions are challenged, we defend them with great emotion.  Like maybe, a computer program – it takes over against the best of intentions, and will produce it’s own intentions.

 

True dialogue is a creative force, and its object is to generate new relationships, as everything is part of a whole, and relationships are what give meaning to the parts, what makes us feel connected to the whole.

The main culprit is our own thought process itself.  The battle between inner parent and inner child.

Whenever we intend to do something, we often unconsciously feel a resistance trying to prevent us from doing it …… the opposite can also be true.

Have you ever come to a conclusion that something, anything, is over, or never was, won’t work, not meant to be, has no chance of coming to fruition, yet – the voice inside perpetuates the impossible. Like, it isn’t even you – another has jumped into your body and is driving your mercedes.

Inner Parent vs Inner Child 

Inner Parent

Your Inner Parent reflects qualities received through your formative years from your own parents, siblings, teachers, friends, actually anyone whom you had contact with that impacted on you, positively and negatively.

Inner Child

Your Inner Child is the bubbly, happy, fun, personality, with feelings and emotions.  It lives in the present, no real concern for the future, and doesn’t bother too much about the past.  Wants to have fun now.  Likes to get it’s own way, just like children do. Your Inner Child has the same characteristics as it did in it’s formative years, from birth to age seven.

So, who is the strong one within?  Is it the Inner Parent, or the Inner Child?

Haven’t you ever heard a conversation going on in your head and wondered what was going on?

Maybe you haven’t even been aware of it.  Well, become aware, because it is your Inner Parent and Inner Child having a conversation.  Sometimes there is a win/win situation, or a win/lose situation, or a lose/win situation or a lose/lose situation.  Wouldn’t you like to know what it’s all about?

We are constantly producing situations and things we do not intend, and then say “… how on earth did it get to this point – and how can I go back to the beginning and start again …”  We are just not aware that it is our deeper, hidden intentions which produced it, and, consequently, we keep on perpetuating it.  Relationship is what creates anything and everything.  It can be good, it can be bad, it can be neither good nor bad – just is.

Dialogue does not require people to agree with each other. It encourages people to participate in a bubble of shared meaning that leads to aligned action. It is a non-judgmental curiosity, its prime directive is being able to see things as clearly as possible, not through a fragmented process.

As each of us is born into a dysfunctional family of sorts, the process of dialogue may free us from real or imagined self-imposed limitations, and as a result, we may even recover self-respect, self-worth and self-esteem.  Imagine trying to converse with another, yet, only having a one way communication, which is a contradiction in itself, because, without the other responding, you are not having a communication at all, you are only having a dialogue with the selves that live within you.

Imagine also, all this going on, on top of a self-respect, self-worth, and self-esteem issue.   Is this just going to reinforce the belief that it is YOU that has the problem? Or, maybe it will open your eyes to the fact that you have NO problem (self-respect, self-worth, self-esteem issue), because you would never act in a way which may injure the Inner Child of the other person. You, as an Inner Parent, would never ignore another human being for any reason.  You would communicate to get to the root of the problem – if there is a problem, wouldn’t you.  I know I would.

Then your mind starts ticking – tick tick tick – you begin to see the picture differently.  It is now reversed.  You are the perfect one, just as you are, and then, the penny drops, you are not broken after all, what a sigh of relief, when you come to the conclusion, that it is the person not conversing, the one who is shouting out so silently, that they are in need of a self-worth, self-respect and self-esteem boost.

When I was teaching Ukrainian School, many years ago, I would hear teachers in the other classrooms shouting over their students.  Did it ever work?  NO!  If my class ever became unruly, I would lower my voice and continue teaching, the louder they became, the quieter I became, until there was silence in the room, then and only then would my voice return to normal.  It didn’t take them long to learn the rules, and it was not necessary for me to ever punish or raise my voice.  In my silence, I was asking God to come to my rescue, and he always did.  SO – next time you are confronted with a situation  where you feel like the other person is superior to you and therefor makes you feel inferior – STOP – jump into their shoes, (my mother used to always say this) and look at the situation through their eyes, from their perspective, and always keep your head high, knowing that you always do your best, and ask the higher source for guidance for these lost lambs, (you included) for it is they who are silently reaching out to you, knowing that you will understand their silent cry for attention.  oops … the reverse of this can also be true, “ah – a light bulb situation”.  As I was proof reading, the penny dropped for me also, and only the silent ones will understand this one.  he he he – thank you

A level of trust needs to be generated that will survive any crisis or difficulty.  These newfound relationships make it possible for these individuals to tolerate things from one another that they were unable to accept before, and to approach the subject and resolve any problem.  This process requires patience, dedication and determination.   It has been said that – the quality of our thinking determines the quality of our actions, which determine the quality of our results, which, in turn determine the quality of our relationships, and so on.  If one hits the gas pedal and brake pedal simultaneously, the result would produce no motion and energy waste.  In the absence of resistance, energy is not wasted and actions do not cancel each other out.

It is time for us to rethink our old beliefs and develop a new way of communicating with one another and bonding for our common purpose.  How many relationships would be saved, if we all knew how to communicate with one another, rather than talking at one another, or simply not responding at all.  The mind boggles.

till next time ………

olga szewczuk

- 0438 503 011

Tags: communication, dialogue, Dr. John K. Pollard, dysfunctional family, Hal & Sidra Stone., inner child, Inner Parent, John Nutting., prime directive, Relationships, self imposed limitations, self parenting., self-esteem, self-respect, self-worth, voice dialogue

“The Invisible Force That Holds Women Back”

Did you know that each of us has an Inner Tiger and Inner Tigress within? Carl Jung calls these Archetypes ‘Inner Patriarch’ and ‘Inner Matriarch’.

Hal and Sidra Stone write in depth about the Patriarch and Matriarch in their book “The Shadow King”.  These two archetypes, among others, can cause havoc  in relationships, especially for women.  This inner voice unconsciously influences Women’s sexuality, their power, emotions, and their role within relationships. 

Have any of you ever felt the way I did, when I realised that there was an anxious father inside me, the Inner Parent, that constantly worried about me, the Inner Child.  He didn’t want me to fall flat on my face or be rejected, get hurt, or abandoned.  He is this old-fashioned guy who thinks that I and all women need to be taken care of by a wealthy husband and kept safely wrapped in cottonwool.  These are words my late father used to say to me all the time, and when I heard it coming from within me, I thought it was just me regurgitating his words.   This was until I studied ‘Voice Dialogue’ and realised that wasn’t the case.  This person – father figure is actually part of me.  He is controlling my life.  Only when the penny dropped and I realised what was happening that I was able to change what was going on around and within me. 

A strong inner patriarch, or Inner Parent in a woman can make her ashamed and defensive in relationships.  I felt this way constantly.  I was always defending myself and justifying what I did or didn’t do.  I was a doormat with a big self print ‘wipe your feet here’.

If an animal is kept locked up in a cage for many years, it will become wild.  If the door is opened inadvertently, the animal comes out RAGING.  Her rage in her life, was a result – of living a life of PLEASING OTHERS.  A life where her needs came LAST.

As my aware ego awakens, and I separate from my primary selves,  I literally become aware of the fact, that it is they, not I, who have been living my life.  Come and share my journey with me and discover a new key to an old block that thousands of years of Patriarchy has instilled deep within each of us.

Primary selves are those that develop to protect us in the world.  They are the building blocks of our personality.  They make us who we are in the now.

Join me next time, as we discover more inner selves, and if you would like to talk to me about your inner selves just call 0438 503011

olya

Tags: animal, aware ego, Carl Jung, doormat, Dr. John K. Pollard, hal stone, holds women back, inner child, inner matriarch, Inner Parent, inner patriarch, invisible force, personality, pleasing others, primary selves, Relationships, sidra stone, tiger, tigress

Our Belief System IP – IC

 

I’m back……… have a brand new grandson, almost 9 days old. Need to shake up all the relationship myths before he enters the dating scene…………………………..

 

Relationships

 

 

Ladies have you ever felt so “into a guy” that – you just didn’t exist anymore?

Lost your identity and took on his!

Like you were walking on egg shells, totally besotted, if he moved all of a sudden, you fell flat on your face!

When we focus on a man – he picks up on it.

You’d think he’d be flattered, that we SMS him whenever he pops into our head. Pleased, maybe even find it adorable, cute, that we’re all hung up on him and can’t get our minds on our own stuff. ‘The things that make us happy’.

Guess What? – That Never Happens!

The moment he gets a whiff of us focusing on him, thinking about him, wondering what he’s doing – we’re lost.

He withdraws and our self-esteem goes down the drain.

Most men, just naturally move away from us when it doesn’t feel good to be with us, especially, when the woman he’s with is zeroed in on him.

Men may be simple, but they’re not stupid.

For the most part, men use their gut instincts more than we do – they pick up on stuff.

Men may not be able to tell you what, or put it into words, yet they know how they FEEL, when they pick up on things. They don’t analyze their feelings like we do, they just feel an urge to move toward, or away from us, either want to touch, or not, without knowing why. They just feel like being there, or not being there. A clarity most women would love to have.

Men just don’t question their desires so much.

In Our Hearts – We know this to be true, yet it seems totally out of our control, or is it?

When you make changes on the outside – words/body language, things start to change on the inside. When you feel different on the inside, things change on the outside. 

Inner Parent!

Healing your Inner Parent, so that your  Inner Parent can make peace with your Inner Child, therefore the Inner Child will learn to trust again, and be happy.

Everything always gets better! 

That’s why it’s so important to Hold Onto Yourself.

NEW BELIEF SYSTEM

Believe it or not – Women – are the ones in control of relationships. The Inner Parent working side by side with the Inner Child is a force to be reckoned with.

The keys to the BMW are always with us. The BMW goes nowhere without the keys, which we hold firmly in our hands. We are the fuel, we are the rich interior, we are the comfortable leather seats, we are the engine, we are also the sleek exterior, and we HAVE THE KEYS. We don’t hand them over anymore, the moment he shows any interest.

We don’t need to be on that emotional rollercoaster anymore, as we are in control, we hold the keys.

So Ladies – open your hearts, yet hold them ever so softly in the palms of your hands. Let your hearts be seen, felt, allow them to radiate vibrant, warm energy, yet always be in control, always keep a soft, gentle grip. Share the warmth of your heart, while always being in control, always holding the keys in your hands.

Open-hearted and soft on the outside, strong on the inside. You can do it! We have that inner strength.

We don’t have any control over a man – not one little bit – but we have lots of control over ourselves.

Because we hold the keys.

We can control our breathing – and even our heart rate. We can control the words we say, the tone of voice we use, what and when we say it. We can control whether we step forward or backward, and so many other things, that can change our own feelings of wellbeing, especially the way HE sees us – are under our control. We hold the keys.

- remember – ‘WE HAVE THE KEYS’

p.s.- have been doing some research on ‘Men in Relationships’ – RSVP is a very interesting source of information. Will share some of my findings in my next post.

till next time

love olya

Tags: Belief systems, force to be reckoned with, hands, happy, hearts, IC & IP, identity, inner child, inner matriarch, Inner Parent, inner patriarch, keys.BMW, men in relationships, new belief system, Relationships, RSVP, self-esteem, walking on egg shells, we have the keys, women