Sep 27 2009
Relationships – Personal & Impersonal
Man & Woman – Inner Patriarch vs Inner Matriarch vs Inner Child vs Inner Parent
Have you ever liked someone, but didn’t really know why, just that a part of them was reaching out to you, and the part in you that needed to feel needed, was eager to help.
In time, that part of you, the eager helper, fell in love with the vulnerable part in him that was reaching out.
Was it your Inner Parent wanting to protect his Inner Child?
How does a relationship like this even lift off?
What happens when the vulnerable part in him, his Inner Child heals?
Does this mean the relationship was doomed from the start?
A part of you wanted to stay impersonal for fear of being rejected, (your Inner Child) therefore you would be less connected as you would be protecting your vulnerable self by keeping your distance.
Another part of you wanted to be personal because you liked him, although you didn’t know how he actually felt, you wanted more of a connection, but you feared you would be less protected, in other words – vulnerable, open, exposed.
What about switching between one and the other. You can be personal one minute, but if you don’t get the response you expect, you may switch to impersonal, where your vulnerability is protected. Pretty crazy type of relationship, that may never even get off the ground, due to the vulnerabilities of both.
Imagine a man not wanting to be smothered, and a woman not wanting to be rejected. How could these two even get together with such opposing fears?
The woman tries to make contact on numerous occasions, sometimes leaving a great deal of distance between the contacts. The man may perceive this as smothering, so he does not reply, she then perceives this as rejection.
What is the solution?
You may say, forget him – there are plenty of fish in the sea, so you go fishing. Unfortunately, every time you catch a fish, your focus is on him, not the fish you caught, so the fish swims off, and you’re back to square one.
I have no answers for this one, but if anyone is willing to add their 2cents worth in, I would be more than happy to listen.
This is just one of many scenarios of how inner selves can create havoc in relationships. There is a vulnerable Inner Child in each of us, although a vulnerable child has no business controlling an adult body and mind. This is where Voice Dialogue can be very helpful in sorting this type of situation out.
