Olga Szewczuk

Get off the merry-go-round

Navigating Midlife

Join me on this profound psychological and spiritual journey / merry-go-round, that occurs at midlife, remembering also, that our psyche is pre-programmed to encourage us to make changes at certain ages in our life.

This is our blueprint of life, and we are always moving into and out of different stages throughout our entire lives. If this wasn’t to be – we would still be crawling aimlessly around our mothers feet.  The Inner Child, Inner Matriarch and Inner Patriarch are also very much involved and a strong part of our individuality.

Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jungs’ concept of psychological growth is a process within our psyche, encouraging us to become more uniquely individual. This process begins at midlife and continues over our entire life span, for us to acquire a fuller, clearer, unique identity.

Psyche – Greek word for soul, with its three layers – conscious, personal unconscious and collective unconscious.

• The conscious, is who or what we think we are, and contains all the psychological parts that we can control and direct willingly, like the tip of the iceberg that is seen floating above the water.
• The personal unconscious – all our unwanted desires, impulses, forbidden feelings and beliefs that we have repressed or forgotten, where all our hidden positive, creative qualities and abilities lie, just below the surface.
• Our collective unconscious is shared throughout the universe, where our archetypes lie. These deep, abiding patterns of being, perceiving, responding and behaving, remain powerful and present in all of us, although activation is required for us to become aware or them, and once activated, we recognise that we have experienced them already, yet not been aware what it was we were experiencing.

Persona – Latin word for mask.

Until puberty most of us are governed by instinct, our unconscious. Around about 14 our conscious begins to develop, by developing a strong ego and persona, until midlife, when we transform.

Jungian psychology believed that it is critical that we develop a strong ego in the first half of our lives, if we are to navigate through midlife with a smooth transition, if there is such a thing.
Our psychological health is defined as ‘balance’ between all of the opposite attitudes, desires, and ways of being, that are part of us. We find a way to integrate these opposites as we become aware of them within us.

Somewhere in our 40’s there is a shift in our psyche, as our ego loses energy, and what was buried deep, starts bubbling to the surface – we pretty much turn inside out. This is what’s called a midlife crisis, and we begin to question all the values, attitudes and assumptions that have given us meaning and certainty in the first half of our life. Our world, as we know it, seems to be crumbling around us, and we are at a loss as to what to do about it. Familiarity is now turning against us, and the opposite of what we once were is surfacing.

Jung was the first psychologist to recognise that a resurgence of individuation occurs in the middle years and continues through the rest of life. This midlife transition is a bridging time between the first half of our lives where we create a life based on what others deem suitable, proper for us, appearances for the outside world, what others expect of us, to what is important to us now.

“I made my decision to ‘jump ship’ (leave home) 3 weeks before my 48th birthday, after years of lovelessness in an empty marriage. My mother on the other hand made her decision to ‘jump ship’ (leave life) 3 weeks before her 58th birthday.”

How many others out there are struggling, denying that there is even a need for this transition. As I watch my grandson, (who will be one in a week) crawling, pulling himself onto furniture, climbing, precariously stepping from one piece of furniture to another, sometimes letting go for a moment, with a tiny startled look in his eyes and a little stiffness in his body as he is aware of an unsupported stance, and quickly grabs hold of something for stability, security. How many of us do the same thing?
Life is going to happen to us one way or another. Is he going to walk on his own, run even? Of course – just like we are going to emerge through this veil, and step into paradise.

This transition through midlife is different for everyone, as some may walk a relatively smooth path, from the first half of their life through midlife to the second half of their life. Others, may be mimicking tarzan, as they attempt to swing from the cliff to one tree then another, only to have the vines break, and they come tumbling down to the ground. Many will crawl back to the cliff, stay there a while and try again, this time succeeding, many will just stay there for fear of the unknown, only to have a big bird swoop down on you, knocking you off balance, and tumbling off the cliff, leaving life.

Take a risk – live – know that it is okay.  Wherever you are at any given time is where you are meant to be. Take the time for yourself, alone time for self-reflection.  Focus on what it is you do want, forget what you don’t want.

Love the parts of you that are out of character.  Step off that cliff, and know that you will fly.

Look in the mirror, smile, and love the person looking back at you. 

Olya

Tags: archetypes, balance, belief system, Carl Jung, character, conscious, inner child, inner matriarch, inner patriarch, Midlife, persona, psyche, psychology, self-reflection, soul, subconscious